All married couples travel through many seasons during the course of their marriage. Some seasons may make you feel as if you are traveling on the uphill climb of a roller coaster ride while others will have you holding your stomach as you travel with the speed of light right back down. Then there are seasons that you are just standing still waiting for the ride to begin again. All in all marriage is not a state of being where you just relax and don't put any effort into it. Like anything worthwhile you must put work and effort into it in order to make it last.
Tina Turner use to sing a song entitled "What's love got to do with it"? In one of the verses she sang what's love but a second hand emotion. While we don't feel totally like the record we do know that the emotional part of love will get the ball rolling however emotional love in itself is not the only thing that will keep a marriage together. There are many couples who parted ways stating that they loved their spouse but did not like them. It takes work on both partners in the relationship to maintain a healthy marriage.
Who would drive a car and never have any maintenance done on it? Likewise who would live in a home and never clean it up? Just like anything else in order for your marriage to work properly you must take care of it and put attention into its up keep and maintenance. There are ways to have a loving marriage during every season that you and your spouse find yourselves in. We have come up with the following ways.
One of the first things both of the spouses must do is to place God as the Head of their marriage and come together in prayer as to the direction and focus of their union. Then they must decide that they will love each other unconditionally. By choosing to Love as God did us then no matter what you will love your spouse. You can not base your love for each other just on your emotional feelings. Many couples think "well I don't feel like I love him/her anymore. When I feel love then I will show it."
This is not the way of true marital love. We must love even when we don't feel it or see it in our spouse. We must decide everyday when we wake up that we are going to look for and be grateful for our spouse on purpose.
We can express our love and heart felt commitment to our spouse by just remembering the word SHARE. By remembering the word share we will be able to purpose ourselves to show love and gratitude for the spouse that God placed in our lives. Let's look at this word with our love and commitment in mind.
S = SINCERITY....freedom from deceit, hypocrisy or duplicity. Genuine honesty and earnest feeling.
When you purpose to bring sincerity into your marriage even when you have something difficult to say or do you will present yourself in a genuine honest manner. Your spouse will feel comfortable and safe because he/she is free from deceit and know that you are true in your words and deeds where he/she is concerned. By being sincere your mate develops a feeling of an earnest love from you and will no that if anything was wrong that you would answer with truth.
H= HONESTY....uprightness and fairness.Truthfulness, sincerity or frankness in principles intentions and actions. Straightforwardness of conduct.
When you purpose to bring honesty into your marriage then you will tell the truth even if it hurts. No marriage can remain healthy and whole if its built on lies and half-truths. When you are honest with your spouse you may speak in a frank manner but you are sincere with your intentions so that you speak in a loving manner. The truth is the glue that will allow your mate to understand your feelings for her/him and provide your spouse with stability.
A = ACCOUNTABLILITY....The ultimate responsibility, the means by which individual or organizations report to a recognized authority, answerable responsible, liable or answerable, the obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility.
America is in a recession because of lack of accountability. When you don't take time to recognize authority and are answerable then one tends to do what they want to. In marriage both spouses are first under the ultimate authority to God then to each other. Now this does not mean that you report in as a child would, however what this does mean is that what you do has an affect on the both of you so your actions must be held under authority. You should have a neutral person such as a marriage buddy or mentor group that you can ask questions and learn the actions of spouses. You must be able to present your actions before the group or buddy if necessary and then listen to what they have to say. You must be liable and answerable to each other. There should be nothing that you do or say that your spouse can not be privy to. Once you two talk about your activities this is meant to clear the air and remain in harmony. This does not mean that one spouse acts as the parent to the other spouse. This means that each individual spouse know that for their actions an authority should be recognized and responsibly answerable to.
R = RESPECT....admire (someone or something) deeply as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. A deep admiration for someone, esteem high regard, consideration, to avoid violation, to feel, or show deferential regard, awesome pride, admiration dignity, sound love honor, to treat others the way you want them to treat you.
Marriage is a partnership that must be given the highest regard of respect. Love for the woman is shown and expressed mostly by showing sincerity while love for the man is shown when he feels respected. Love should always be shown in a marriage. But you must have a deep admiration for each other. This is one of the definitions of respect. You must admire your spouse for his/her abilities, qualities or achievements. You should esteem your spouse with high regard and consideration. You must avoid violation to each others feelings. In a marriage showing your respect is treating your spouse in a way that you would want to be treated.
E = ENJOYMENT.... the pleasure felt when having a good time, something that gives pleasure, living a good life or flourishing.
This is not something that you can let go of every marriage must have a sense of pleasure. Having a good time as a couple should be something that you plan each and every week to do. Every week date night is a must not a chore but something to look forward to. Everyday you should find a reason to laugh and smile. Dance together, play games, just act silly. Don't allow your relationship to become hum-drum and routine.
If all married couples will incorporate the share acronym in their marriage you will always show your commitment and love. Communication at all times will clear up any problems that might come up. Studying, learning and always remembering what makes each other comfortable and feel loved is the bottom line to showing each other your true commitment and love to your marriage.
One more thing that will help learn to incorporate the "don't s"
Don't allow the emotional red lights to cause a riff or break-up in your relationship be on guard for them:
Pride, guilt, laziness, shame
fear of success, rejection, emotional intimacy
don't make your marital life a chore or routine.
Don't get lost in the everyday and remember that as you become one in Christ you must still remain the individual that you are.
Marriage is our gift from God and nobody wants a bad gift. Cherish your spouse and always show love and respect towards each other. Share is the key to a healthy loving marriage.